pan2000

These villains are so similar, yet so different. They are both in very high positions, yet very incompetent and Butt Monkeys. They still have powerful attacks on their side, with Darth Dumbledore having access to a lot of magic, and Spandam having the Elephant Sword that totally doesn't compensate for something.

They are also both guilty of needless evil, and both had some successful schemes which relied to the public being stupid. Their biggest feats are giving the main character pause for a bit before a humiliating defeat.

Let's see who will be humiliated more badly in this...

DEATH BATTLE!

In Hogwarts, a masked man with lavender hair is approaching. The magic-repelling wards do not detect him because he has no powers whatsoever.

He is loudly cursing to himself. "Why did Rob Lucci say I should do this myself for once? Doesn't he know I led the CP9 because I succeeded at framing that stupid fishman and putting him to death?

Anyway, I am sure that once I bring that bastard down, I will finally get the promotion I deserve.

This world will be mine to control! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

However, he notices a ward overhearing him. "By the way, this is Colonel Sanders speaking."

Approaching the school, he did overhear some people talking about a Dark Colonel.

But, as he keeps climbing the stairs, he trips and falls on his face.

In the Headmaster's office, Darth Dumbledore feels a warm liquid filling his pants. The Dark Colonel came for him. The wards confirmed he finally showed himself!

Spandam soon reaches the door and kicks it, but it doesn't budge.

"OW! OW! OW! I need more strength!"

He knows what to do. He draws his Elephant Sword.

"Ok, let's bust through the door, Funkfreed! ELEPHANT CHOP!"

The blade succeeds at busting through the door and impales Dumbledore, destroying one of his lungs.

Darth Dumbledore immediately hides behind his desk. "It's the Colonel! He finally came for me!"

However, Funkfreed rushes at the desk and smashes it, sending him flying again with the trunk.

"I will not lose to a Muggle! CRUCIO!" Darth Dumbledore yells and hits Spandam, who had just tripped on a banana peel, making him suffer in as much agony as when Robin and Franky took their revenge on him.

However, the former Director of the CP9 is still conscious. Then Darth Dumbledore makes a chandelier drop on him.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I won! I finally got rid of Colonel Sanders! Now neither he nor his fried chicken will threaten my power anymore! It was clever of you to disguise yourself as a fast food mascot, but in the end, no Muggle can stand up to the greatest Dark Lord of all time! I am the embodiment of evil itself! Nobody can defeat me!"

Spandam's POV

Now I feel Lucci every time he catches me gloating and digging myself deeper. While he is gloating, his guard is down, which gives me a chance. Plus, if he is such a great evil, I will be hailed as a hero. My public image will be beautiful again. But above all else, this fool doesn't even know I am not Colonel Sanders. This means he will be easy to outsmart.

I can hear his annoying voice. "Now, Colonel, you will no longer remember I ever existed."

Third Person POV

Darth Dumbledore's constant gloating had left him open. Spandam, having recovered from the Crucio and the chandelier, wraps Darth Dumbledore with Seastone Chains.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! These chains neutralize all of your abilities! Don't even bother breaking free! Looks like the winds of destiny are all blowing my way!"

Darth Dumbledore hears the gloating and doesn't bother checking if what he says is true about his magic. Instead, he curses once more.

"You foiled me again, Colonel Sanders, but I will return." Darth Dumbledore spits.

"I am afraid you won't." Spandam takes his sword in both hands, smirks and cuts the wizard's head off.

K.O.!

So, despite their overall uselessness, Spandam actually is far better than Darth Dumbledore, and not just because he is supposed to be a fraud.

First of all, his Seastone Chains, used in an One Piece movie, can neutralize Devil Fruits. It might or might not work on Potterverse magic, or Partially Kissed Hero magic, but does someone like Darth Dumb doubt anything he hears? Related to that, it's very easy to catch Darth Dumbledore off-guard, especially since he, just like Spandam, has a tendency to gloat and dig himself deeper. However, only Spandam exploits someone else letting their guard down, while Darth Dumb for some reason only fights fair. While both are butt-monkeys, One Piece rules mean Spandam actually survives all the things he is put through, including his spine snapping in half. By contrast, Darth Dumbledore has died to shallowing a chicken, being crushed by boulders and other such things.

But, above all else, Spandam could have a more clear idea about his enemy because in canon, he actually knows who his enemy is.

And while Spandam very stupidly got his base blown up, at least he did exploit his mistake to mind rape Robin. Darth Dumbledore did something just as stupid, while going for a powerup in Styx. He not only got several minions killed, but he eliminated some of his own Horcruxes as well. And without any pressure by the enemy.

The winner, by elimination, is Spandam.