Top 10 retro beat em up bosses (best)
Mar. 8th, 2021 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pan2000If there is one genre I love and am good at, it's beat em ups. Of course there are rail shooters and platformers, but these are outside the point. In beat em ups, you get to beat the shit out of crooks, dinosaurs, aliens, strange creatures... but there are some big guys who will cut you down to size if you aren't careful. Here are my favorite bosses.
10. Retu (Final Fight 2)
This guy is actually kinda easy for a final boss... but I have a very soft spot for him. Because he is the first final boss I faced in a retro beat em up. He is of the "big, bulky thug" variety, averting the cliche of the final boss having a gun when you face humans, and he is notable for having pink long hair and an unforgettable design that is also kinda creepy. His spin kick is the biggest danger, because this guy is unpredictable when he does it. Also, he has a ton of hp. You could probably strike him with the BFG of Doom and he would live!
9. Rolento (Final Fight series)
From Final Fight and Final Fight 2, we have this guy. He is more badass than the actual final bosses (a guy with an arrow shotgun and the aforementiomed Retu), because he is very very fast, faster than the player, has a kickass theme and if he has low health, he changes his strategy and fires grenades at you. While you will be lucky if you find a katana in the first game.
8. Defending Slot (Ninja Baseball Batman)
Ninja Baseball Batman is an obscure arcade beat em up that really needs more appreciation. It has some very bizarre bosses, like a plane boxer who also cries like a bitch and a fridge with a buffalo's head that throws swords. But the slot machine that's the third boss really was special to me. It has a nasty recovery that will ensure you don't stay too close all the time and rolls like an actual slot machine for special attacks like money down from the sky, giant dices that flatten you and giant baseball balls. And you slowly dismember it.
7. Mr.X (Streets of Rage 2)
From Machine Gun Willy to Belger and Casterora, there are many final bosses who challenge the protagonist and their bare hands with guns, usually rifles. Mr.X is by far the coolest of them all. For starters, his theme is awesome. Also, most of these gunmen just fire in a straight line. This guy makes a cool pose and then starts gunning down the entire arena, including his minions, who are probably distracting you. If he hits you, he laughs. Also, get close and not strike first, and the gun butt is going to smack you in the face.
6. The Aztec Gods of Fitness (Night Slashers)
Apparently, the developers of Night Slashers are Jojo fans. In Stage 3, you kick Count Dracula's ass. In Stage 4, you get to fight the equivalents of the Pillar Men. They are only two, but still badass Aztec gods who work great as a team and are a bigger threat than the vampire lord that was right before them.
5. Fessenden (Cadillacs and Dinosaurs)
What can I say? The game is extremely entertaining and not too difficult (except the two Slisaurs, one super-fast guy is enough!)... and has some cool bosses. Like Tyrog, a virus that turns someone into a strange dinosaur that can extend its body, the very fast Slice with their kickass theme... and especially Fessenden, the last boss. He starts as a pachycephalosaur, and he is actually very easy. Just do not stand in the same line as him and attack right after he charges. Then the true fight starts. He turns into a colossal pink dinosaur with two heads, while his previous head is in his belly. This guy could solo the Jurassic Park, even if he did not spit fireballs in case you are too far. Also, unlike the actual big carnivore dinosaurs, this guy's arms are actually long and useful. Very useful.
4. The King Babe (Ninja Baseball Batman)
The very statue you have to take in this game is animated to be a very entertaining mirror match against the final boss. The game has ninjas and baseball, but no Batman... no problem. Because there is a Batman element to this guy: he laughs more than the Joker! Seriously, he even laughs when he gets hit sometimes. Otherwise, his moves are like yours, except he can jump really high. His bat swing launches a tornado and is strong by itself, but his slide is easy to counter until he draws an electric bat. Very entertaining and with a fitting theme.
3. Lord Geld (Violent Storm)
This guy is one of the toughest bosses I have ever faced. Violent Storm is a game I was looking for over five fucking years to play. It has awesome themes, complex combos and great graphics... and some bosses, like the fake final boss Red Freddy, BARELY didn't make it in the list (he is like Retu but with less health). The true final boss, Geld, is even better. After spending the game beating up street thugs, a cyborg, a statue, a wrestler and a cosplayer that can teleport, you face their leader, an actual demon with superpowers. He is designed to kill you. He can block, slide, grab you and slam your back into his knee, spit acid if too wounded, fire his Giga Storm and even surround himself with green energy that has absolute priority and makes a lot of damage. And his theme? All the others in the game are upbeat, even the boss themes... but this one is legitimately threatening.
2. Girulian/Perfect G (Denjin Makai)
Another game I was looking up for a long time. The finale is easily the best part of the game. Initially, Girulian makes acrobatics and is hard to hit. He can also launch you sky high for one of the least damaging moves in the game. Yes, you read that correctly. He also has a shield that damages you. Then he draws a sword and does some strong combos. So far, average for a final boss. And then Eye of the Tiger starts playing.
No. I am not kidding. Eye of the Tiger is the theme for the final showdown! That alone gives Perfect G a spot, but he is also very easy in the eyes. Gameplay-wise he kicks ass. He is hard but very very fair, his health is reasonable and... he can cast a visually impressive and hard to avoid firestorm while he can't be hurt, as well as projectiles that hit for multiple frames (which is lethal in this game).
Runner-ups: Barbara (Battle Circuit), Red Freddy (Violent Storm), Shiva (Streets of Rage 2 and 3), Mamono (Gaia Crusaders), Robo-Rat (Battletoads), the three last bosses of Captain Commando.
1. Master Program (Battle Circuit)
This was not an easy choice. As you saw, ALL bosses from 5 onwards are final ones. Because the developers loved making them above all else. Master Program is no exception... however, let's talk about the game. The (very underrated) game has you hunting for a disk that can help criminals rule the world. After you thrash many great bosses (and a few annoying ones), you can get two options for the ending if you have a high score (more than 3200000 points, I think). You can pull the disk out of the pseudo-final boss' computer (who has mirror elements but isn't that great tbh), or fight the incarnation of the disk itself, which looks like a genie, but unlike that from Aladdin, this boss is pure evil. He has a god complex and wants to control all humans, and switches plans to genocide when cornered.
Master Program has some great visuals, as well as a theme that truly shows the fate of the world depends on you beating the bastard. This fight is probably the hardest in the list if you don't know what to do, but is also fair if you do know what to do, and beating this boss will make you feel like a badass even if it did not double your score. For starters, the boss can turn his lower half to beasts. His primary one is an ice dragon, but there is also a fire one for a stronger attack. Both have super armor. Aka decreased damage and no flinching. Still, get as many licks as you can, you will need them! Charge blindly, you will die. This will test all your abilities. You need to sprint or you will be blown backwards and not land a hit, use your charge attack when he leaves openings (he does), strike him when he has no super armor (there are some attacks he ditches it, but he is hard to get hit and easy to hit you with them), avoid his dancing that stuns you and DO NOT FORGET YOUR SPECIAL GIVES YOU INVICIBILITY FRAMES. Especially since the boss has an attack that is completely AOE and has no telegraphing or pattern. Thankfully, if you dodge it, the boss is very very vulnerable. A true test of your skills and knowledge of game mechanics.
10. Retu (Final Fight 2)
This guy is actually kinda easy for a final boss... but I have a very soft spot for him. Because he is the first final boss I faced in a retro beat em up. He is of the "big, bulky thug" variety, averting the cliche of the final boss having a gun when you face humans, and he is notable for having pink long hair and an unforgettable design that is also kinda creepy. His spin kick is the biggest danger, because this guy is unpredictable when he does it. Also, he has a ton of hp. You could probably strike him with the BFG of Doom and he would live!
9. Rolento (Final Fight series)
From Final Fight and Final Fight 2, we have this guy. He is more badass than the actual final bosses (a guy with an arrow shotgun and the aforementiomed Retu), because he is very very fast, faster than the player, has a kickass theme and if he has low health, he changes his strategy and fires grenades at you. While you will be lucky if you find a katana in the first game.
8. Defending Slot (Ninja Baseball Batman)
Ninja Baseball Batman is an obscure arcade beat em up that really needs more appreciation. It has some very bizarre bosses, like a plane boxer who also cries like a bitch and a fridge with a buffalo's head that throws swords. But the slot machine that's the third boss really was special to me. It has a nasty recovery that will ensure you don't stay too close all the time and rolls like an actual slot machine for special attacks like money down from the sky, giant dices that flatten you and giant baseball balls. And you slowly dismember it.
7. Mr.X (Streets of Rage 2)
From Machine Gun Willy to Belger and Casterora, there are many final bosses who challenge the protagonist and their bare hands with guns, usually rifles. Mr.X is by far the coolest of them all. For starters, his theme is awesome. Also, most of these gunmen just fire in a straight line. This guy makes a cool pose and then starts gunning down the entire arena, including his minions, who are probably distracting you. If he hits you, he laughs. Also, get close and not strike first, and the gun butt is going to smack you in the face.
6. The Aztec Gods of Fitness (Night Slashers)
Apparently, the developers of Night Slashers are Jojo fans. In Stage 3, you kick Count Dracula's ass. In Stage 4, you get to fight the equivalents of the Pillar Men. They are only two, but still badass Aztec gods who work great as a team and are a bigger threat than the vampire lord that was right before them.
5. Fessenden (Cadillacs and Dinosaurs)
What can I say? The game is extremely entertaining and not too difficult (except the two Slisaurs, one super-fast guy is enough!)... and has some cool bosses. Like Tyrog, a virus that turns someone into a strange dinosaur that can extend its body, the very fast Slice with their kickass theme... and especially Fessenden, the last boss. He starts as a pachycephalosaur, and he is actually very easy. Just do not stand in the same line as him and attack right after he charges. Then the true fight starts. He turns into a colossal pink dinosaur with two heads, while his previous head is in his belly. This guy could solo the Jurassic Park, even if he did not spit fireballs in case you are too far. Also, unlike the actual big carnivore dinosaurs, this guy's arms are actually long and useful. Very useful.
4. The King Babe (Ninja Baseball Batman)
The very statue you have to take in this game is animated to be a very entertaining mirror match against the final boss. The game has ninjas and baseball, but no Batman... no problem. Because there is a Batman element to this guy: he laughs more than the Joker! Seriously, he even laughs when he gets hit sometimes. Otherwise, his moves are like yours, except he can jump really high. His bat swing launches a tornado and is strong by itself, but his slide is easy to counter until he draws an electric bat. Very entertaining and with a fitting theme.
3. Lord Geld (Violent Storm)
This guy is one of the toughest bosses I have ever faced. Violent Storm is a game I was looking for over five fucking years to play. It has awesome themes, complex combos and great graphics... and some bosses, like the fake final boss Red Freddy, BARELY didn't make it in the list (he is like Retu but with less health). The true final boss, Geld, is even better. After spending the game beating up street thugs, a cyborg, a statue, a wrestler and a cosplayer that can teleport, you face their leader, an actual demon with superpowers. He is designed to kill you. He can block, slide, grab you and slam your back into his knee, spit acid if too wounded, fire his Giga Storm and even surround himself with green energy that has absolute priority and makes a lot of damage. And his theme? All the others in the game are upbeat, even the boss themes... but this one is legitimately threatening.
2. Girulian/Perfect G (Denjin Makai)
Another game I was looking up for a long time. The finale is easily the best part of the game. Initially, Girulian makes acrobatics and is hard to hit. He can also launch you sky high for one of the least damaging moves in the game. Yes, you read that correctly. He also has a shield that damages you. Then he draws a sword and does some strong combos. So far, average for a final boss. And then Eye of the Tiger starts playing.
No. I am not kidding. Eye of the Tiger is the theme for the final showdown! That alone gives Perfect G a spot, but he is also very easy in the eyes. Gameplay-wise he kicks ass. He is hard but very very fair, his health is reasonable and... he can cast a visually impressive and hard to avoid firestorm while he can't be hurt, as well as projectiles that hit for multiple frames (which is lethal in this game).
Runner-ups: Barbara (Battle Circuit), Red Freddy (Violent Storm), Shiva (Streets of Rage 2 and 3), Mamono (Gaia Crusaders), Robo-Rat (Battletoads), the three last bosses of Captain Commando.
1. Master Program (Battle Circuit)
This was not an easy choice. As you saw, ALL bosses from 5 onwards are final ones. Because the developers loved making them above all else. Master Program is no exception... however, let's talk about the game. The (very underrated) game has you hunting for a disk that can help criminals rule the world. After you thrash many great bosses (and a few annoying ones), you can get two options for the ending if you have a high score (more than 3200000 points, I think). You can pull the disk out of the pseudo-final boss' computer (who has mirror elements but isn't that great tbh), or fight the incarnation of the disk itself, which looks like a genie, but unlike that from Aladdin, this boss is pure evil. He has a god complex and wants to control all humans, and switches plans to genocide when cornered.
Master Program has some great visuals, as well as a theme that truly shows the fate of the world depends on you beating the bastard. This fight is probably the hardest in the list if you don't know what to do, but is also fair if you do know what to do, and beating this boss will make you feel like a badass even if it did not double your score. For starters, the boss can turn his lower half to beasts. His primary one is an ice dragon, but there is also a fire one for a stronger attack. Both have super armor. Aka decreased damage and no flinching. Still, get as many licks as you can, you will need them! Charge blindly, you will die. This will test all your abilities. You need to sprint or you will be blown backwards and not land a hit, use your charge attack when he leaves openings (he does), strike him when he has no super armor (there are some attacks he ditches it, but he is hard to get hit and easy to hit you with them), avoid his dancing that stuns you and DO NOT FORGET YOUR SPECIAL GIVES YOU INVICIBILITY FRAMES. Especially since the boss has an attack that is completely AOE and has no telegraphing or pattern. Thankfully, if you dodge it, the boss is very very vulnerable. A true test of your skills and knowledge of game mechanics.
